Posted in Books, TV, News and Social Media, Life, Mental Health

Aril 26th, 2018 – Daily Prompt=Cur….

I definitely had to google what this word meant.

Cur = Apparently it means a ‘mongrel’ or ‘mixed breed dog’ but can also refer to an unfriendly dog.

I love dogs. Some of them do scare me a bit and they can do bad things, but so can humans. I always remember being around dogs, growing up we definitely always had some cats (sometimes a lot of cats) but I remember having dogs in my life, some years there was only cats but for the majority of the time there were also dogs ( and rabbits, hamsters, guinea pigs and fish!!).

Jessie and Nala
How can you call them rats??

Now I am married and we have our own home and 2 dogs. They are not mixed breed dogs but people still call them ‘rats’.¬†The truth is they are my babies, especially as I have no living children and have fertility difficulties. They help my mental health so much and I think if they weren’t here I would be a more impulsive and even sadder person.

Some people call themselves a “people person” – whilst I love helping others and being around people I would also prefer to be surrounded by my dogs, they are less judgemental and understand feelings. If I am having a quiet/sad/melancholy day people tend to just not say anything, whereas a dog always knows.

They always know.

Jessie and Nala 002

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Posted in Mental Health

Yesterday….

I said to myself I would try to write for at least a week using the WordPress daily prompts. Yesterday I forgot.

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My Facebook Post may explain a little.

April 25th, 2018 not only marked 2 years since my surgery (see¬†April 25th 2018 ‚Äď 2 Years Post Appendicectomy¬†), it also marked 15 years since my biological father died.

Due to my complex life history and reasons, I have only just started to explore my past in depth, I never grieved 15 years ago. With everything that has gone on in the last 2 years, my feelings of grief have only just emerged and I am starting the process 15 years on and getting help from available services where I can.

If you are grieving some time after losing someone I have learnt not to feel ashamed for your grief, there were several things stopping me from grieving years ago, it is not my fault I could not explore my feelings and I was not old enough or strong enough to stand up for myself. But I still deserve to grieve. We all do.

Yesterday’s daily word prompt was elaborate;

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Thanks Google!!

So I guess my contribution to the topic of elaboration involves my theory surrounding my grief. My childhood wasn’t necessarily unhappy, at the time anyway. Years on I have realised that certain things that happened¬†and ways I was treated were not ‘normal’ and where definitely¬†a cause for concern. I have had a complicated life, exploring it was always going to be a big job but writing this blog does help that. Maybe nobody sees this page, or comments,¬†follows or supports it. But it is my story. My truth. I am not twisting or manipulating the truth, I have been lied to most of my life and I intend to live an honest life. If you do not like it then I am sorry. This is me.

Posted in Health, Mental Health

April 25th 2018 – 2 Years Post Appendicectomy

I was 2 months into my new job and it was my first time taking an official call at my job. I don’t really remember the first call very well. What I do remember is feeling a heaviness in my chest, I felt ill and not right. I thought I was just scared and pushed through another call. Before admitting I didn’t feel well. My mentor and colleagues said to me that if I felt unwell not to worry and go home. I decided it would be a good idea to go home. This was in early March-if I knew what was to come over the next few months I would have driven myself to A&E straight after work.

If you go back 2 years in my posts you will see the struggles I went through (written in a held back, milder manner!!) Posts such as¬†6 weeks of health¬†and¬†Apparently ‚ÄúThere is no Way it is your Appendix!‚ÄĚ.

My life has changed in the past 2 years. I changed jobs, bought a house, moved house in that time. I have battled with my physical and mental health. Been treated badly and cut out certain people-that was a tough decision to take but I have realised that I need to consider my own wellbeing and toxic people are not part of my life anymore.

Posted in Books, TV, News and Social Media, Life

We have been bestowed with a prince!!

Today flags are flying to celebrate a new prince.

Congratulations to Kate, Duchess of Cambridge and Prince William; The Duke of Cambridge – And of course to Prince George and Princess Charlotte!!

It is also exciting that Princess Charlotte, whose position in line to the throne will not change with the birth of her little brother; due to a change in the law, has made history.

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“Kensington Palace Twitter Account”

I have not added any pictures of the new Prince as I feel it is not my right to share them, but if you browse the news websites and the Kensington Palace twitter account, then there are plenty of images there for you to see. The Prince is beautiful, you can see mam, dad, brother and sister in the young Prince. Beautiful children and a beautiful family.

We have yet to hear about the name that has been given to the new Prince, I wonder if Prince George had a different name, would this Prince be called George? He was born on St George’s Day after all? George, Charlotte and ……..

What name will be bestowed to the new prince?? I cannot wait to find out!!

Posted in Mental Health

A vague reality. TW

TW – Trigger Warning: this article could be harmful to you or your recovery . If you feel like you need help then please call 111 or 999 in an emergency. There are also other services that can support you.

Please don’t suffer in silence.

Look at me, what do you see??

Look at my arms and what do you see??

  • Tattoos?
  • Hair?
  • Dry Skin?

If you look closely you will see vague lines, luckily when I was younger I healed well.

I do not remember the first time I hurt myself.

One thing that does stick in my mind is during 2012 when one of my patients in the ward/unit I worked on noticed I had worn tape over part of my wrist for most of the week (I saw patients usually about 3 times a week) – Working there and changing the tape without wasting time or being noticed each time I washed my hands was so difficult. My hands were washed a lot in this job!!

Self Harm for me was a way of physically feeling my emotional pain. I did not really have anybody to talk to properly about my feelings so I felt the need to deal with it myself. My ways of self-harming was taking control over my food, over exercising and cutting myself. Nobody questions a teenager that does sports and a daily paper round; carrying up to 110 newspapers¬†each day. Bruising or cuts come with sports and work, don’t they?

I am now 27 and whilst I do not shout out about my past of self-harm, I am not ashamed of it. In recent months I have found myself wanting to hurt myself, I have told my doctor and I am trying to focus on writing or art (or sleep) instead of thinking over these feelings. Maybe that isn’t tackling the problem but I am doing everything I can at the moment. The NHS is great, but the waiting lists are not so great!!

So what do you focus on when you look at people? What do you see when you look at me? I am not the only one with vague marks on their body. Why are they vague? Is it because I was uncertain why I started caused them? Or perhaps it is because they can only be seen if you really concentrate, or know they are there?

Maybe it is both.

 

If you are self harming, please be careful and seek help.



 

I have used the below information from an NHS Website.

(Click the Links for further Support)

Useful organisations

There are organisations that offer support and advice for people who self-harm, as well as their friends and families. These include:

Find more mental health helplines.

Posted in Health, Mental Health

One goal-An event I really wish to partake in….

April 22nd 2018 – Marathon Day

And No I am not one of the brave people taking part today. However, it is a goal of mine to run in the London Marathon.

Each year I stare at the TV, listen to radio or follow social media and say to myself “Yes I will do this, maybe next year, or the year after to be sensible”. Let’s just say it never happens.

This year I am signed up to do a 10k, 5k and monthly goal of 25 miles (walking or running each month). I want to be a more regular runner and fitter before even considering a full marathon. The plan is to do 5k and 10k runs until I feel comfortable enough to do a half marathon. Once I have done that I will consider longer events.

Although cue the impulsive me-one day I may just do it and sign up (Telling myself don’t you dare!)

Are any of my followers a runner and do you have any tips.

Posted in About Me, Mental Health

One of the worst questions you can ask me….

Well there are several ways to word this question but the basic question that is really one of the worst you can ask me is;

“What has caused your anxiety/depression?”

At this point my head is saying

While there are several incidents, issues, triggers and events that have led to my current situation, the simple answer is ‘I DO NOT KNOW!!’

Quite frankly if I understood it myself I would have a better handle on my situation.

I am studying Mental Health and aim to have a career in the field, but even with my years of studying, assignments and exams – you can know about all the theorists, professors and professionals along with all the knowledge, practices and policies, but that does not mean you know everything. I still do not understand me.

It really distresses me and upsets me when people start to question me, I get embarrassed because I like having knowledge and when I cannot explain or justify myself it is embarrassing. Especially if there is a person looking at you or smirking, it is intimidating!!

sarcastic season 3 GIF by Ash vs Evil Dead

I am slowly losing the little level of trust I had in people. The way things are said, words being twisted and me being at fault.

I am struggling, not stupid!!

Maybe this journey is something I need to go through, I can already see it leading me towards certain goals. Maybe everything does happen for a reason. Only time will tell.

Posted in Life, Travels

Travelling and a broken mallet

Last year we took a road trip, camping around North Wales. We saw a lot of Snowdonia National Park and saw some beautiful views.

Today’s Word Prompt is¬†‘Malett’ so I thought I could share a funny story.

You may notice my spelling is “Mallet” – I am using British English Spelling.

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The Dog enjoyed the Trip!!

We had moved to a new site and got busy setting up, including the windbrakers as it was very windy up North!! So there I go with the mallet banging away on top of the pegs and wooden poles and pop, there was a sudden release – the end of the mallet only went and flew off didn’t it!!

I believe it may have been caught on video but I have yet to find it (it might have even been a Facebook Live!! )

Since this trip my life has taken a turn, I do not remember many times I have laughed – today’s prompt meant I had to share this short and sweet story. If I find the video it will be uploaded!!

If you need any tips or places to visit around North Wales –¬†Get in Touch¬†I do not know everywhere but I do know lots of cute little places that won’t break the bank massively and isn’t necessarily easily searchable online.

Quick little funny moment in life-I need more of these!!

Posted in Books, TV, News and Social Media, Mental Health

Casualty – Crying over Glen

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Copyright © 2018 BBC. Screenshot Taken from BBC Website.

Series 32 : Episode 30 РIf you have not seen this episode then click back now: SPOILER ALERT (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!)

Just when you think that Robyn will have a happy ending….¬†BOOM!! The plot thickens.

What got to me in this episode was the circumstances surrounding how Glen¬†passed away, it reminded me of losing people in my life. I am a big believer when it comes to people having a choice in where they die, although I fully understand it is not always possible. I admire the BBC for how they portrayed¬†Glens’ death; they made the room special, a little family together in the room in their pyjamas and dressing gowns. I cried inside and almost outside, but I do not like crying in front of people so managed to hold it back. I would have loved the chance to say goodbye to those I lost and be there for their last moments. It hurts me so much that I did not get that final ‘Goodbye’, this is why the episode meant so much to me.

I thank Owain Arthur (Glen Thomas) and Amanda Henderson (Robyn Miller) along with the BBC for the way the story was presented.

Posted in Mental Health

Self Care Developments of the week

I have been forcing myself into certain situations this week. Scary times but this week my accomplishments include;

  • Going to the Doctors,
  • Meeting up with my Sister who I haven’t seen in about a year,
  • Going to the Dentist for the first time in 5-8 years,
  • Gone to the shop during the day,
  • Rang for some support from a local service.

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I sit here on my bed writing this, I am tired, worn out and know there is a lot I should be doing, my days over the last few months have been getting darker and darker but I have made some progress into looking after myself.

I have also been making an effort to fill in my journal, it is a 365-day book I bought before Christmas and I said I will put feelings/drawings/events or whatever I want every day, although I am missing some days, but I am making progress with that too. I had a yummy Easter egg, that is only half eaten at the moment!! Salted Caramel. I love Cadbury eggs but restrained from getting them this year as I end up eating way too much, although I did buy two little bunnies in Lidl and I am proud to say they have not yet been eaten. Although I do need to confess I am drinking way too much fizzy soft drinks (I do not drink hot drinks so I use soft drinks as an excuse to get caffeine).

I have 3 assignments left for University, well until the new academic year starts in October but I am looking forward to getting them completed and sent off (not looking forward to weeks of waiting to hear if assignments are passed, if I do not get certain marks for them I fail the whole year). Whilst I am nowhere near 100% with my health, I need to use the time well to care for myself and get better. I am looking forward to developing this site and things to come.

 

Posted in Mental Health

I did a whoopsie

Having been in an ill, nocturnal state for the past week or so I decided to request my prescription online from the GP- PRESCRIPTION APPROVED!! But me being me at the moment, I thought it was Friday on Thursday so didn’t collect the prescription from the Doctors as thought they would be closed. Then the next day I went out in the car and realised it was Friday so I went to the Doctors and realised it was closed because it was Good Friday so no prescription for me.

.FAST FORWARD TO MONDAY.

I have no Sertraline in the house. I have been on these for months and never missed a dose, until now. I have to see a Doctor this week anyway so I know I need to go out and get my tablets. Although they do need changing so if anybody has advice on reducing Sertraline in order to swap to another medication please let me know as I have heard withdrawal is awful!!