One of the worst questions you can ask me….

Well there are several ways to word this question but the basic question that is really one of the worst you can ask me is;

“What has caused your anxiety/depression?”

At this point my head is saying

While there are several incidents, issues, triggers and events that have led to my current situation, the simple answer is ‘I DO NOT KNOW!!’

Quite frankly if I understood it myself I would have a better handle on my situation.

I am studying Mental Health and aim to have a career in the field, but even with my years of studying, assignments and exams – you can know about all the theorists, professors and professionals along with all the knowledge, practices and policies, but that does not mean you know everything. I still do not understand me.

It really distresses me and upsets me when people start to question me, I get embarrassed because I like having knowledge and when I cannot explain or justify myself it is embarrassing. Especially if there is a person looking at you or smirking, it is intimidating!!

sarcastic season 3 GIF by Ash vs Evil Dead

I am slowly losing the little level of trust I had in people. The way things are said, words being twisted and me being at fault.

I am struggling, not stupid!!

Maybe this journey is something I need to go through, I can already see it leading me towards certain goals. Maybe everything does happen for a reason. Only time will tell.

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