I loved school, but I went through hell during Secondary School.
At about aged 14 I started a diet; I was maybe about 10 stone to start and was reasonably fit (I did a lot of sport) even battling with my knee.
When I hit about 8 stone I was getting changed in school for PE and a few of the girls asked if I had lost weight and said I looked good – at this point I felt good because I upped my exercise and limited calories to reach this goal but it dawned on me that these girls actually must have noticed what I looked like before- for them to comment on my weight now.
This made me quite self-conscious, making me concentrate on my weight even more.
Then started the downward spiral to a lighter weight.
I cut back more and more, I did a paper round after school and I use to say that I got food when I was out or that I would grab something later, most of the time my mother left it at that, sometimes I did eat a little later, other times I had some little pasties and I would have one in the evening.(sometimes the bag of 10 would last 10 days, these were tiny little pasties – looking back I am surprised they never went mouldy or made me ill 🤢)
Within these 3 weeks or so I had gone from 10 stone to 7 and in a further week I dropped to about 6 stone – or 38kg /83 lbs.
I was pale and looked ill but nobody noticed!!
I lived on hardly any food and my energy levels started to drop – what brought me back to my sense was the fact that my dentist said I had to have a tooth out under general anaesthetic and because I was 14 I would need an adult with me. So the fear of anyone (especially my mother) finding out forced my to put on 3 stone. I was 9 stone when they weighed me before my general and nobody battered an eyelid.
My 15th Birthday was a few days later; I don’t have any photos of me at my lightest – but this is me at 9 stone on my birthday;
Me at the front in the brown top!
Now I am a lot heavier, I get extremely self conscious and most days I wish I was anorexic again, but I know that is not the way to healthy. My PCOS started at 15, not long after putting my weight back on and due to my metabolism, PCOS, shift work, blood sugar evens and numerous other reasons I am struggling to lose the weight.
Dieting is a culture these days and I don’t want to be a bad example. Exercise and healthier eating is the way forward. And might I add me needing to lose weight is now a medical need and I have to be a “healthy BMI” for some hospital treatment – I am doing it for my health as advised by Medical Professionals.
Please don’t suffer in silence if you are suffering with an eating disorder, you don’t have to be thin to have an eating disorder Speak to someone, reach out and acknowledge you need help.