Posted in About Me, Life

Why learning is important to me and how it’s impacted my life? – The Short Version….

I have decided to answer this question;

Why is learning important to you and how has it impacted your life?

 

  • In my second Primary School I met my best friend.
  • In Secondary School I went skiing in France, visited Italy and had an audience with the Pope (and thousands of others), visited New York, Philadelphia and Washington D.C as well as other trips around the UK.
  • In college I adjusted my hours to work and live with my first true love.
  • During University I joined the cheerleading squad, had a miscarriage and learnt to juggle 3 jobs as well as a Full Time Course, before leaving University, with nothing but the experience, 20 University credits and a diagnosis of Meares Irlen Syndrome and Dyspraxia.
  • During my time at my distance learning University I had difficulties with my physical and mental health, finding an online support system in a group format and finding life long friends (even though we have never met!).

Learning is my past, my present and my future.

The points above show some of the life challenges that have accompanied my learning. Without these events occurring hand in hand with learning my life would be very different. I have always been aware of those in the world that have to fight for education, those that are killed because of their fight and those that never experience education. For me, education is a privilege and to be in a country where I am given a free education (well until University anyway!!) is an amazing thing.

Learning has saved me in so many ways, I expressed my eating disorder through my art and escaped to the world of Hogwarts thanks to J.K Rowling. It is important to me to be a good example to my siblings and younger people around me, nobody in my family has been to University and whilst I am definitely taking the long way around gaining a degree, I have been rescued so many times thanks to learning and education. Education has at times been my mother, father, sibling, friend and comforting stranger when nobody else has been around.

At age 17 I started my University applications for Midwifery and Nursing and year after year was unsuccessful, I tried my hand at other things and had to move around a lot to find the work – I was chasing work to build my experience, to better myself for University and I am getting closer to my ultimate dream. There will be struggles and there will be (more) tears but I will do it!!

This Girl Can!!

cropped-healthwise-wales-promo-picture

 

I am a big believer that we all deserve an education and the right to knowledge and development during our lives, that learning doesn’t have to be University, learning is unique to each of us. Not all of us get the chance, so I grab it with both hands and love the experience. It also keeps me up to date and my brain ticking!! Learning is important to me as it helps me realise what I have overcome and allows me to believe in myself.

Learning has saved me.

Why is learning important to you?

https://www.activia.co.uk/scholarship-uk

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Posted in Mental Health, Sports and Fundraising

2018 Events – UPDATED JUNE 25TH 2018

As some of you may know, I am challenging myself this year to do events that put me out of my comfort zone, also to fundraise 🙂 Here is a short post with events I am doing this year (This will be edited throughout the year if I take part in additional events) They say exercise is good for chronic pain and mental health, so this is another reason I am doing events this year also 🙂

If you would like links for my fundraising pages, please let me know below and I will provide the link.

Completed Events or Events that I am Booked onto.

RED January 2018 [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – January 2018 [Completed]

MedalMad Mirror Mirror 5k Challange [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – February 2018 [Completed]

MedalMad Run Like a Beast 5K [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – March 2018[Completed]

MedalMad Before Midnight 5k Challenge [Completed]

Kicks count Bunnies for Babies Event 2018 [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – April 2018 [Completed]

April 30th – Joined the Gym [Completed]

MedalMad Once Upon a Run 5k Challenge [Completed]

Runr Miles 4 Mind (25 Miles) – May 2018 [Completed]

10k Great Run Manchester – May 2018 [Unable to Attend due to illness]

Booband Virtual Race – 10k – May 2018 [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – May 2018 [Completed]

5k Race For Life – July 2018

Cardiff Half Marathon – October 2018

Want to Complete But not yet Booked onto (Pending Finances/Ballot Places)

Virgin London Marathon 2019 – Ballot Entry Placed

Race at your pace 25 Miles – July 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – August 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – September 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – October 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – November 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – December 2018

Posted in Life, Mental Health

Surviving Fathers Day

Surviving Fathers day when you have two dads; one of which has passed away.

Father’s Day is a hard day for me. A few years ago I put a post on Facebook recognising both of my fathers, including the father I lost at a young age. A few hours later I remember having my mother screaming down the phone and sending harassing messages because I had upset my dad and always upset him if I mentioned my biological father. I rang my dad that night to ask if he was ok and if I had upset him to which he stated he didn’t know what I was talking about and I hadn’t upset him.

I am lucky that I have a father that acknowledges I have a biological father and understands that his loss hurts me.

Anyway, ever since I have always acknowledged both my fathers and I do not care what anybody thinks, because it is my life, my fathers and quite frankly my decision to do whatever I want and post whatever I want.

I went two nights with no sleep and I went out from about 07:45- 15:00 then picked up the wife to pop to the shop, when I got back I was physically exhausted so my way of facing father’s day was to sleep for 21 hours!! You can call me lazy if you want but my body obviously needed it.

e32cd95157b907afc4716b805f47101d--miss-you-daddy-dad-quotes-from-daughter-daddys-girl

 

Posted in Mental Health, Sports and Fundraising

Fitness Update

TRIGGER WARNING

Please be warned this post will include details about my health journey, including weight loss.

I have been trying to get out and do some exercise including walking and running to build myself up (I will do the London Marathon One Day!!)

I would also like to point out at this point I do see Medical Professionals on a regular basis and my weight loss is monitored – it is also advised by doctors due to my health conditions and in order for me to get certain hospital treatment I have to me the NHS BMI requirements ( do not get me started on my opinions on BMI!!)

But here is my progress:

The fitness scores at the bottom involve using a piece of machinery at the gym I visit to measure certain strengths, I believe the idea is to increase those scores. My goals are to reduce fat % and increase muscle % as well as lose some weight (kg).

Please don’t judge me, I know my weight is very high.

14/05/2018 05/06/2018
Body Composition
Weight (kg) 122 121.85
Fat (%) 45.22 44.04
Muscle (%) 26.6 27.42
Hydration (%) 41.89 42.67
Fitness Test Results
Overall 81 99
Lower Body Strength 1 3
Lower Body Endurance 108 200
Upper Body Strength 150 180
Upper Body Endurance 200 200
Explosive Muscle Power 41 103
Balance 70 104
Speed Ability N/A N/A
Heart Rate Recovery N/A 6
Posted in Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness Letters – 21st May 2018

As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I had an idea to write a letter each day to a person, or group of people that have had an impact on my own personal health. The first portion of the month has been delayed, however I hope that I will catch up and there will be a daily post. Thank You for taking the time to read these and I appreciate any comments or support you can provide on each post.

Please remember that if you are struggling with your health, both physical or mental, there may be some triggers in these letters-please seek support if you find these letters trigger any distress. Look after yourself!!

Letter 21 –  Not everyone that has been abused has experienced physical abuse.

There are several forms of abuse, all of which are damaging.

I have never classed myself as an ‘abuse survivor’ because I always thought that what I went through is nowhere near as bad as many others and their stories. However, on the other hand my experiences have been damaging to me in their own right.

Those that have been abused, especially during childhood are far more likely to experience mental illness in their adulthood and often throughout childhood. The abuse may have been physical, sexual, emotional, neglect, verbal or psychological – each type can be identified in different ways, however people can experience more than one ‘category’ of abuse and symptoms can overlap. But abuse is not always obvious and I bet you have seen, walked past or sat by someone this week that is being abused/has been abused and you had no idea!! It can be easy to hide.

Support is crucial , sometimes you do not know what to say to someone when you find out they have been abused, but it is important not to treat a person differently, perhaps be more understanding and allow more time to process information (and of course be careful what you say). But you just need to be there.

Be Considerate

 

 

 

Posted in Books, TV, News and Social Media, Life, Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness Letters – 16th May 2018

As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I had an idea to write a letter each day to a person, or group of people that have had an impact on my own personal health. The first portion of the month has been delayed, however I hope that I will catch up and there will be a daily post. Thank You for taking the time to read these and I appreciate any comments or support you can provide on each post.

Please remember that if you are struggling with your health, both physical or mental, there may be some triggers in these letters-please seek support if you find these letters trigger any distress. Look after yourself!!

Letter 16 – To The Mighty

Embracing your Needs – With Help from The Mighty.

This post is helping to share an important post I saw on The Mighty; click here to read it.

It is all about #embracinyourneeds and published the “I Need Cards” – asking to download and share the cards. I thought this was an amazing idea so you can download the cards below or visit the link above to download them directly from The Mighty.

This letter is all about helping others, I hope by sharing these files/images with you that you can either use them for yourself or share them with others that you feel could benefit from them.

What I Need When – CREATE YOUR OWN

What I Need When: When my Chronic Illness keeps me home / When I don’t have any spoons left

What I Need: When I feel blah / When I “Just Can’t”

What I Need When: I’m Dissociating / I’m Triggered.

What I Need When: Experiencing Psychosis / I’m Manic

What I Need When: Struggling with my Eating Disorder / Battling Self Harm Urges

What I Need When: Going through medication change / Having a bad mental health day

What I Need When: I’m Stuck in bed with depression / Overwhelmed

What I Need When: I’m Anxious / Having a Panic Attack

You can also save the below images;

 

Thank You The Mighty for these documents.

Posted in Website Updates

June 1st Milestones

Well Hello June!!

After midnight which now makes it June 1st my site hit some milestones;

  • 100 Posts – Which will increase over the next few days as my backlog of May Mental Health awareness letters will be uploaded.
  • 1,000 Hits.

I cannot believe that many people actually read about my life and my goals of tackling mental health. I hope I have helped some people along the way.

Thank You xxxx

Posted in Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness Letters – 8th May 2018

As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I had an idea to write a letter each day to a person, or group of people that have had an impact on my own personal health. The first portion of the month has been delayed, however I hope that I will catch up and there will be a daily post. Thank You for taking the time to read these and I appreciate any comments or support you can provide on each post.

Please remember that if you are struggling with your health, both physical or mental, there may be some triggers in these letters-please seek support if you find these letters trigger any distress. Look after yourself!!

Letter 8 – To those of you that support me.

This is a letter to those have had the most positive effect on my Mental Health in recent months. YOU!! You my readers.

I am part of an amazing online community of people with both physical and mental health struggles, as well as University Students with the same difficulties – I have never met any of you but you have been so supportive. There are also an amazing group of you that have no struggles, yet empathise so much with my journey.

 

Thank You So much xxxx

Posted in Health, Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness Letters – 3rd May 2018

As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I had an idea to write a letter each day to a person, or group of people that have had an impact on my own personal health. The first portion of the month has been delayed, however I hope that I will catch up and there will be a daily post. Thank You for taking the time to read these and I appreciate any comments or support you can provide on each post.

Please remember that if you are struggling with your health, both physical or mental, there may be some triggers in these letters-please seek support if you find these letters trigger any distress. Look after yourself!!

Letter 3 – To the people who thought I was ‘Pulling a fast one’ being off work for months because of my appendix.

You may already know that in 2016 my physical health took a turn downhill. Long story short I could have died and felt at my weakest.

Now I heard a lot of gossip (also witnessed it once, unknowingly to them!) and people thought I was pulling a ‘fast one’ to get paid time off.

Luckily where I lived at the time had a downstairs toilet because I literally had to drag myself up and down the stairs if I needed something, I even wet myself once trying to get downstairs to the toilet. I had the district nurse visit me to tend to my infections in my surgical sites (quite common with keyhole surgeries apparently) I cried most days and felt ugly, fat, bloated, worthless and mentally drained.

But people thought I was pulling a fast one because their relative was in and out of hospital and back to work quickly with their appendix. I was back to work 2 weeks after my first keyhole surgery (big mistake and pushed myself too far) but having had a good few weeks of fatigue, infection and illness even before having the appendix removed, the surgeon advised it would not be a quick recovery-my body was physically and mentally drained. When I managed to walk a few doors up to the doctor’s surgery a few weeks after surgery, almost passing out in the front entrance the nurse had to get the doctor to come and “tell me off” for doing too much because I vacuumed once when I spilled a pot of glitter on the carpet.

So to those ‘people’ who thought I was taking advantage of my employer by taking sick pay and sitting at home “doing nothing and making money” – I didn’t see you sending flowers, cards or even popping in to say hi. Your comments really hurt me and coming back to work to face you every day was so difficult, I almost didn’t come back. Then again that wouldn’t have bothered you because you don’t like me anyway.

Think before you make remarks!!

Posted in About Me, Mental Health

I am only 27….

I am only 27 years old (or young!) and I have lived through

  • Emotional Abuse and Bullying

  • Physical Abuse and Bullying

  • Self Harm

  • Anorexia

  • Bulimia

  • Binge Eating Disorders

  • Suicidal Thoughts

  • Loss of a Parent

  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

  • Anxiety

  • Depression

And you know what? I am still here!! Mental Illness is a difficult, harsh and life changing problem.

But

You can do it!! We are here for each other, if you are having a bad time, speak to someone – You can do it!!

Posted in About Me, Life, Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness Letters – 1st May 2018

As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I had an idea to write a letter each day to a person, or group of people that have had an impact on my own personal health. The first portion of the month has been delayed, however I hope that I will catch up and there will be a daily post. Thank You for taking the time to read these and I appreciate any comments or support you can provide on each post.

Please remember that if you are struggling with your health, both physical or mental, there may be some triggers in these letters-please seek support if you find these letters trigger any distress. Look after yourself!!

Letter 1 – To the family members that decide to block me on social media and ignore my friend requests.

They say if people ‘unfriend’ you on social media or online groups then to let it go and move on. That is easier said than done if you want nothing more than a family around you. There are certain family members that I do not really know but have met in the past and genuinely like. Yet you unfriend, ignore and block me-well I have one thing to say to you – GO F*CK YOURSELF!!
Just because you may have your family, your friends, children, pets and marriages you don’t need me anymore. I have “Family” that have invited me to events, reunions, weddings, funerals, gatherings, “piss ups” or other get-togethers, but they have also failed to invite me when you have invited the rest of the family. This is fair enough as you may not want me there- I may have forgotten to invite you to events but if I have then I am sorry and may have genuinely forgot because of ‘brain fog’. Also, do not bother saying you forgot or thought I was busy yet say something completely different to other family members or mutual friends.
I am sorry but not all of us had the perfect upbringing and have a loving and ‘together’ family. I went out of my way to help and talk to certain people and you repay me by blocking me on social media, then you unblock me but stop me adding you as a friend or sending messages to check how you are doing.
All I have ever wanted is a loving and caring family, but certain people within the family think they can just ignore me and throw me to the side, I have gone my whole life not knowing my family tree and who I am related to and when I do find out and want nothing more than to get to know my family you take it away and play mind games. It really hurts- this has contributed to my mental health greatly as I have lost the little self-identity I have.
I have lost friends, family and parents, all I want in my life is a bit of identity. I want to go over to join in on the family Sunday Lunches. I want nothing more than to send and receive Easter Cards, Christmas Cards, Anniversary Cards and cards for every other event under the sun. I want family, Love and genuine caring. But you fail to give that. Instead, you make me feel unloved, unwanted and unrelated.
You have made me wish I had never been born.
So go ahead get on with your life, but remember you may be caring to others but to me you have done nothing and made me feel like nothing.
Image may contain: 1 person, swimming and close-up

 

 

 

This is all the family I need!!

 

 

IMG_8036.jpg

 

 

 

 

Posted in Mental Health, Sports and Fundraising

2018 Events – UPDATED JUNE 25TH 2018

As some of you may know, I am challenging myself this year to do events that put me out of my comfort zone, also to fundraise 🙂 Here is a short post with events I am doing this year (This will be edited throughout the year if I take part in additional events) They say exercise is good for chronic pain and mental health, so this is another reason I am doing events this year also 🙂

If you would like links for my fundraising pages, please let me know below and I will provide the link.

Completed Events or Events that I am Booked onto.

RED January 2018 [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – January 2018 [Completed]

MedalMad Mirror Mirror 5k Challange [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – February 2018 [Completed]

MedalMad Run Like a Beast 5K [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – March 2018[Completed]

MedalMad Before Midnight 5k Challenge [Completed]

Kicks count Bunnies for Babies Event 2018 [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – April 2018 [Completed]

April 30th – Joined the Gym [Completed]

MedalMad Once Upon a Run 5k Challenge [Completed]

Runr Miles 4 Mind (25 Miles) – May 2018 [Completed]

10k Great Run Manchester – May 2018 [Unable to Attend due to illness]

Booband Virtual Race – 10k – May 2018 [Completed]

Race at your pace 25 Miles – May 2018 [Completed]

5k Race For Life – July 2018

Cardiff Half Marathon – October 2018

Want to Complete But not yet Booked onto (Pending Finances/Ballot Places)

Virgin London Marathon 2019 – Ballot Entry Placed

Race at your pace 25 Miles – July 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – August 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – September 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – October 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – November 2018

Race at your pace 25 Miles – December 2018

Posted in About Me, Life, Mental Health

Mental Health Awareness Letters – 2nd May 2018 – TW

As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I had an idea to write a letter each day to a person, or group of people that have had an impact on my own personal health. The first portion of the month has been delayed, however I hope that I will catch up and there will be a daily post. Thank You for taking the time to read these and I appreciate any comments or support you can provide on each post.

Please remember that if you are struggling with your health, both physical or mental, there may be some triggers in these letters-please seek support if you find these letters trigger any distress. Look after yourself!!

Letter 2 – To my old colleagues and your opinions on mental health conditions.

TW – This post discusses negative attitudes to Suicide/suicide attempts.

I have worked in several different areas but one thing stands out across all of my work places (in the UK) – is people’s attitude towards mental health.

I have heard colleagues in previous roles laugh about mental health, I have had to be present when these colleagues laugh and say that they ‘obviously hadn’t done the job properly’ and ask why “these people are ringing for help” and saying “if they want to kill themselves then just do it” or that they hadn’t “done the job properly and should do it properly next time instead of wasting time and ringing for help that, according to you is ‘not deserved’ “.

Some of these people laughing even rang in sick to work due to ‘stress and anxiety’ – then continued to ‘make fun and bully’ complete strangers.

Two colleagues in my role were supportive – I won’t put their names here but E and S were very supportive. S took time from his schedule and was so supportive, I appreciate him telling me his story and being so genuine when I asked for support. I wasn’t scared to be me and I was not made to feel like a liar, small or stupid.

S – You saved my life in a way you will never know. Thank You so much xx

  • To my other colleagues, I have sat behind you while you have talked about me.
  • I have been sat on the opposite table working whilst you have talked about me- I use to set my desk high and chair low, so to you it looked like an empty desk but I was there- whilst you mocked my colleagues and me!!
  • You have mocked my size, my mental health, my physical health and conditions, my marriage and LGBTQ issues.
  • You continue to this day to ban, block and ignore me on social media.

You are lucky!! Continuing to be lucky to this day that I did not take formal action and even criminal action against you.

I hope one day you bullies get treated as bad as the treatment you have given. Whilst I try not to ‘hate’ or treat people badly- I will not go out of my way to support bullies and hypocrites.

You contributed to me hating myself – but you will not win!!

Posted in Mental Health

I am getting closer and closer to a breaking point!!

Hi everyone.

Firstly I apologise in advance for any foul language in this post!! You have been warned!!

Unfortunately at the moment I cannot really discuss in detail all the issues going on with some people as it could reflect badly on me and them,  I would rather wait until it is safe to discuss things.

I feel;

  • lost
  • broken
  • unsupported
  • stressed
  • Fed-Up
  • upset
  • sad
  • intimidated
  • useless

But these are only words. I have had enough of begging for help, waiting and waiting for nothing to happen. When people are supposed to help and pride themselves on helping but yet do not do that – what am I to do?

ALL I WANT IS SOME HELP AND SUPPORT!!

Now this is a complete rant but if I do not get it of my chest I do not know what would happen. My wife doesn’t deserve my mood swings, laziness and life ruining conditions, I am surprised she is still with me . I feel so sad and so angry, what on earth have I done to deserve this ill-treatment!!

I am not a suicidal person and I do not plan to ever end my life, but in all honesty I find myself each day thinking, wondering and some days wishing that I had not been born- I imagine how everybody would live if they did not have me in their life- to be honest I think the only people who would miss me is my wife, best friend and older brother Mark, well and of course my dogs-nobody else bothers and when they do it is only to pass information on to my ‘mother’ or to be nosey and give it the old;

” I’m here if you want to talk”

BULLSHIT – You are not here if I need to talk, that is just the “thing to say” – unless you actually mean it, but few people actually mean it!!

I am receiving Statutory Sick Pay, I cannot get UC payments as my wife earns ” Over the threshold” and PIP is a 6+ week waiting progress, ESA I cannot receive until my Statutory Sick Pay finishes financially I am going down the drain but of course it is MY FAULT because I am off work and I am putting myself in this situation, when the case is not this!!

In the famous words from myself

FUCK THIS SHIT!!

 

Posted in Books, TV, News and Social Media, Life, Mental Health

Aril 26th, 2018 – Daily Prompt=Cur….

I definitely had to google what this word meant.

Cur = Apparently it means a ‘mongrel’ or ‘mixed breed dog’ but can also refer to an unfriendly dog.

I love dogs. Some of them do scare me a bit and they can do bad things, but so can humans. I always remember being around dogs, growing up we definitely always had some cats (sometimes a lot of cats) but I remember having dogs in my life, some years there was only cats but for the majority of the time there were also dogs ( and rabbits, hamsters, guinea pigs and fish!!).

Jessie and Nala
How can you call them rats??

Now I am married and we have our own home and 2 dogs. They are not mixed breed dogs but people still call them ‘rats’. The truth is they are my babies, especially as I have no living children and have fertility difficulties. They help my mental health so much and I think if they weren’t here I would be a more impulsive and even sadder person.

Some people call themselves a “people person” – whilst I love helping others and being around people I would also prefer to be surrounded by my dogs, they are less judgemental and understand feelings. If I am having a quiet/sad/melancholy day people tend to just not say anything, whereas a dog always knows.

They always know.

Jessie and Nala 002

Posted in Health, Mental Health

April 25th 2018 – 2 Years Post Appendicectomy

I was 2 months into my new job and it was my first time taking an official call at my job. I don’t really remember the first call very well. What I do remember is feeling a heaviness in my chest, I felt ill and not right. I thought I was just scared and pushed through another call. Before admitting I didn’t feel well. My mentor and colleagues said to me that if I felt unwell not to worry and go home. I decided it would be a good idea to go home. This was in early March-if I knew what was to come over the next few months I would have driven myself to A&E straight after work.

If you go back 2 years in my posts you will see the struggles I went through (written in a held back, milder manner!!) Posts such as 6 weeks of health and Apparently “There is no Way it is your Appendix!”.

My life has changed in the past 2 years. I changed jobs, bought a house, moved house in that time. I have battled with my physical and mental health. Been treated badly and cut out certain people-that was a tough decision to take but I have realised that I need to consider my own wellbeing and toxic people are not part of my life anymore.

Posted in About Me, Mental Health

One of the worst questions you can ask me….

Well there are several ways to word this question but the basic question that is really one of the worst you can ask me is;

“What has caused your anxiety/depression?”

At this point my head is saying

While there are several incidents, issues, triggers and events that have led to my current situation, the simple answer is ‘I DO NOT KNOW!!’

Quite frankly if I understood it myself I would have a better handle on my situation.

I am studying Mental Health and aim to have a career in the field, but even with my years of studying, assignments and exams – you can know about all the theorists, professors and professionals along with all the knowledge, practices and policies, but that does not mean you know everything. I still do not understand me.

It really distresses me and upsets me when people start to question me, I get embarrassed because I like having knowledge and when I cannot explain or justify myself it is embarrassing. Especially if there is a person looking at you or smirking, it is intimidating!!

sarcastic season 3 GIF by Ash vs Evil Dead

I am slowly losing the little level of trust I had in people. The way things are said, words being twisted and me being at fault.

I am struggling, not stupid!!

Maybe this journey is something I need to go through, I can already see it leading me towards certain goals. Maybe everything does happen for a reason. Only time will tell.