As May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I had an idea to write a letter each day to a person, or group of people that have had an impact on my own personal health. The first portion of the month has been delayed, however I hope that I will catch up and there will be a daily post. Thank You for taking the time to read these and I appreciate any comments or support you can provide on each post.
Please remember that if you are struggling with your health, both physical or mental, there may be some triggers in these letters-please seek support if you find these letters trigger any distress. Look after yourself!!
Letter 20 – I am Sorry,
Today I really am feeling sorry for myself.
I should have been in Manchester today. I should be running and remembering those lost last year in Manchester.
But I am not!! And I feel so bad.
I was unwell and sent to hospital, then got sent home in the early hours of the morning to come back for emergency scans and tests, there was no way my body would have held up on the run, but I am determined to run the race – SimplyHealth will not let me defer even with the hospital note so I have to wait until I can put some money aside and wait for 2019 entry and re-enter.
I will get there.
I was in Norway in 2011 when a ‘Man’ Decided to launch an attack. I mourned with Norway as a country and a last-minute change of mind and deciding not to take some time off potentially saved my life!!
I was in London on March 22nd 2017 during the Westminster attack ( We were evacuated from St James Palace and the Duke of Edinburgh Presentation was cancelled).
I was not in Manchester during the events of 2017 and after the events in London last year I decided to avoid big cities but why should I?
I will be going to Manchester next week to run for the Charity Mind . I have not been to Manchester before and I do look forward to going, even if it will be short – I’m sure I will visit again when the financial situation (and anxiety) is better.
When reading about the events that occurred almost a year ago, my heart sank. Not only with fear but with grief. We should share love and peace, not hate and war. This is one reason why I decided to run in Manchester, it is over 200 miles away from my home and there are definitely runs closer to me but I felt it would be right for me to experience such a heartfelt moment for me in a strong and vibrant city that I had not been to before. There will be a silence held to remember those lost last year and I feel honoured that I can partake in this silence. I also hope we can visit the Trees of Hope Trail and leave a message for those lost. If you have not heard of this Click Here.
You may only say that it is ‘only a 10k’ it isn’t a marathon, but to me:
- It is a marathon
- It will be hard
- I will struggle
- There is a chance I will be limping for a while after
and I WILL CRY. Not only because of the atmosphere and the reason for being in Manchester, but for me. Over recent weeks I have wished I had not been born, wished I was dead and my anxiety and depression have gotten so bad I have not been leaving the house. Crossing that finish line will be a triumph for me and my mental health.
It may not be much to you, but it is to me. One step closer to my dream of the london Marathon.
If you would like to be amazing and help me reach my fundraising target then please visit my fundraising page (and remember to tick the giftaid box if you are a tax payer)
My Virgin Money Giving Page for Manchester 10k 2018